Sharing Beliefs
I came across an idea from the Dali Lama. He talked about how we justify leaving one religion for another by finding fault with the religion that we are leaving. He believes it is better to avoid doing that because the religion you are leaving is important to many others who still practice that religion. We respect the religion of others as we respect our own. Fabulous idea. I have a few questions about my religion and I have been tempted to complain or point out the paradoxical nature of certain aspects. It can get out of balance quickly. I'm glad to be reminded that negative energy towards anything promotes a negative outcome. Questions are welcome. Questions that don't include an assumption but rather an openess to the answer. Questions such as these, padded with positive energy can only lead to wonderful discoveries.

Relationships
Well, insight came from Mckay. He is one year older than Jaden and has been struggling to have a friendly relationship with her. Today his innate kindness shown through. He announced that from now on he is going to share his special things with Jaden. For example he told me that his bike is special, but he will let Jaden ride it sometime. He also said that anything he has that is special is something he will share from now on. I laughed and thought his gesture was sweet. So I asked him why and he said so she won't cry. And that touched me even more and I asked him why he doesn't want her to cry and he said because it makes her feel bad. And when I asked why he doesn't want her to feel bad, he laughed and said mom, can you stop asking such silly questions?

Learning from those who are different
Saydi and I attended a book signing and lecture by Mormon Women. Emma Lou Thanye was one of the speakers. I loved her comment that she has learned so much from others who are unlike herself. She also doesn't think of herself as a role model or example because she just is who she is. Catherine Stokes said that she doesn't think of herself as having courage because if you have courage you know you are being courageous. She says she just does what she feels she needs to do. Another woman from connecticut said she was told that there were alot of sterotypical women in Utah, but that she has never met one because everyone she has met has a story that doesn't fit the stereotypical model. I asked a question about whether they believe mormon women can create solutions for love and inclusion of our gay and lesbian loved ones in the church. Sister Stokes said she feels it is a civil rights question and we can be accepting. Sister Thayne said she feels we should listen to others and welcome them with love into our circle. She emphasized the fact that everyone has a story. I want to note what I am thinking. It is the children of the church who need to be taught to accept themselves. It is when you are a child that you realize you may be different. What can we create to develop self acceptance in gospel terms. What would Jesus do.

After the meeting I spoke with two moms and we talked about our role as women in the church and these issues. Each of them also knew gay and lesbian loved ones. I was encouraged that people really do care. We are just stuck not really knowing if we need to be or not. Some think we have all the answers we need. Some, like me, think we are standing at the door to the heart and Christ is inviting us to knock and enter. I believe upon entering we will find our loved ones embraced by his love and light. And we will be welcomed if we wish to be.

Days for Work and Play
It's another nice spring day. We took the kids to Westminster Park after school. We played checkers, and ball and raced from tree to tree. Greg came over later. Some girls from Emerson Elementary were there for a little while. One of the girls asked Saydi if she went to Emerson Elementary. I think that inspired Chandler to climb a tree in the area that they were swinging.Then he came over and told us he was climbing trees to toughen up his feet. Smile.

Fire Starter
Greg is downloading some songs to a pen drive. He is doing it to surprise his sister tomorrow. It's her birthday and we are sharing dinner with their family. I'm so touched. It is sweet to me that he would do that for her.

Days for work and play
I spent a few hours at the park with Mckay and Saydi today. We played several games of checkers on the picnic tables. We shared a carmel and some yummy lunch things. Then waited until we had the park to ourselves and played fox and geese by making paths to follow in the shredded bark. We took turns being the gox and geese and roasting eachother for dinner. Saydi and Mckay invited me to dinner at the Manchala. They cooked fish and made orange manchala pickle icecream. Our imaginations ran wild. We raced eachother from tree to tree. The kids took turns spinning in the spinning bowl. Greg came along on his bike. He was making a trip to home depot to get wire and such for the row covers we are setting up in the garden. Earlier I spent some time serving at the Jordan River temple. It was very busy. On the way home I bought some straw to compost our garden. Chandler spent most of the day playing badmitton with his friends. We finally headed home from the park when Mckay needed a bathroom break. We got home and Greg set up the garden covers while I vaccuumed the car from the straw bales and then I went shopping for food and marshmellows. We roasted the marshmellows over the stove burners in the kitchen.

Discoveries
In his book 'Musichophilia' Oliver Sacks demonstrates the personal meaning that comes from living in the present. He discovers the capabilities of different kinds of memory in his work with Clive. An amnesiac. Clive was an accomplished musician before his brain impairment. His ability to remember was restricted to 3 seconds at a time. He would repeatedly think he was alive for the first time but not be able to remember in context to the past or the future. He could not remember that he was repeating the comment that he was alive. With the help of his wife, who had to show him written music pieces or sing to him, he was able to play sing and conduct music the same way he had before his injury. But he could not think to look for the music or think to sing it for himself. Oliver Sacks states. 'It may be possible that Clive, incapable or remembering or anticipating events because of his amnesia, is able to sing and play and conduct music because remembering music is not remembering at all. Remembering music, listening to it, or playing it, is entirely in the present.

The hearing of a melody is a hearing with the melody.....it is even a condition of hearing melody that the tone present at the moment should fill consciousness entirely, that nothing should be remembered, nothing except it or beside it be present in consciousness.......hearing a melody is hearing, having heard and being about to hear, all at once. Every melody declares to us that the past can be there without being remembered, the future without being foreknown.

His wife Deborah wrote "Clive's at homeness in his music and in his love for me are where he transcends amnesia and finds continuum--not the linear fusion of moment after moment, nor based on any framework of authobiographical information, but where Clive, and any of us, are finally, where we are who we are.

Comings and Goings
I attended a memorial service for a friend from our church group. I am deeply moved by our existence. She truly cared about each person she spoke with. She was a listener. Each life that touches ours for good reflects the mercy of a loving parent.

Stories
Mckay came running into the kitchen with a book in hand saying "I really can read". He has been reading for a while. Sometimes I could tell he was reading by guessing. Tonight he surprised himself and made that transition. I love watching him discover new things about himself.

Days for work and play
Chandler is dog sitting today. While his friends are out of town. He brought Sophie over for a while to play. Mckay and Saydi loved petting her. Responsibilities help us enjoy growing and discovering.

Fire Starter
Saydi wrote invitations for Mckay and Jaden to come to the trampoline for a party. Mckay was soooo excited. They had a party of writing notes to eachother.This warms my heart to see the children caring for each other spontaneously.

Welcome
Welcome to our circle of wagons. I hope you find that this is a circle big enough to love you. Our goal is to move safely together on a journey of discovery. To learn in faith to love ourselves so that we might more fully love each other.