It's been a couple of months. Hope everyone is still there and not starving for information. It's been a weird couple of months. I joined the mormonstories forum and that has taken much of my attention away from this blog. however, I am ready to come back and invite my readers to consider being a part of a research project I am trying to put together. I am going to send this request out to facebook friends too and hope to hear back some responses.

Hi Everyone,

I am doing a research paper exploring the topic of societal, cultural, family and religious attitudes towards homosexuality. I am working to build bridges of understanding between individuals, families, communities and religions who desire to come together and understand these issues within a framework of love and respect for others differences. I was wondering if you would be willing to share your feelings or relevant stories about this subject. I am most interested in how this issue has affected and or is playing out in your personal, family, friend, work and religious relationships. Please do not feel you have to align your opinions/attitudes with any certain individual or organization or to any particular standard.

While it is perfectly acceptable if you do share opinions and attitudes that are espoused by certain others/organizations, please share as much of your own personal feelings and experiences as possible. I would ask that you tell your story with respect and dignity, refrain from using any derogatory, threatening or accusing language.

I recognize this issue is dealing with potentially personal, deeply held emotional, and religious feelings and attitudes. Your privacy is important to me. Your responses are confidential. Please note in your response if you give me permission to share your stories with others, or if you would like to be notified before I share any or part of your stories, or if you would like your response to remain confidential.

thank you in advance for your thoughtful consideration.

couple of thoughts

So much of my 'knowing the church was true' was based on feeling rather than evaluating all of the physical historical evidence. I still don't worry too much about searching out every piece of physical evidence. It would be nice to know that all pertinent evidence was available to study, as it seems duplicitous to white wash our history and tell it how it isn't.

As far as my feelings of knowing truth. Spiritually speaking, I interpret the meaning of 'the church' to be the body of Christ. To me this means each and every member of the human family is a member of the church. LDS church members could quite possibly comprise the head of that body, but a head is just not effective without the body. At least last time I checked, they still had to be connected and communicate with eachother to get anything accomplished. We need our connection to all people. In this light, I can say wholeheartedly, that I belong to the church of Jesus Christ, because I belong to humanity. On the other hand, if i am saying that I am a possesion of the coorporation of the President, then yeah, that isn't how i see it. I am more than happy to say that because i was born into the LDS church it makes sense to stay put. There would still be work to do no matter what part of the body I am. It is possible I have more talents inolving the lower intestine, so there is a possiblity that my calling could change. For now, I just want to remember that i don't think i will ever want to stop trying to live a Christ-like life.


Title: John Lennon - Imagine

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

i was able to attend the day long seminar with Arbinger institute and listen to James Ferrell explain how to apply the principles in his book 'Anatomy of peace' to creating civil discourse in politics. Now the twist is that he was presenting this seminar for the Sutherland Institute. A political lobbying think tank that espouses marriage between opposite sex partners and considers same sex-marriage a threat to the well-being of children.

I have read 'the Anatomy of Peace'. It's approach to human relationships seems in direct opposition to the approach I have witnessed taken by leaders of the Sutherland Institute. The main reason I wanted to attend was to observe the effect of the teaching on this particular group of people. I have read the book "Preserving Sacred Ground' written by the sutherland group. I felt their opinions about homosexuality were uninsightful, and it upset me to think of the effect any of their reasoning might have if it were actually used in communications with their children or friends who are same-sex attracted.

I was curious, so I attended. I received a copy of 'the anatomy of peace' and a small workbook. I sat down on a fairly empty row and had no plans to talk with anyone. i just wanted to observe mostly and take notes. Soon after the seminar began a couple came in and sat next to me. i noticed that the lady had on the same color shirt i had. Green shirt over a white shirt underneath. That became a conversation starter later, when they talked with me and invited me to eat lunch with them. Their names were JoAnn and Greg.

They became involved with the Sutherland Insitute at the same meeting I had. One and 1/2 years ago. At Thanksgiving Point when Sutherland presented their Sacred Ground speeches. I was attending with Elaine and a group of political opponents. Greg and JoAnn were attending in support of the views held by the Sutherland Group. At that time I was just beginning to listen to same sex people and their allies. I had not formed a political opinion and mostly went to observe the emotional and political climate.

I told Joann and Greg that i had felt upset by the opinions on homosexuality that were expressed in the Sacred Grounds book. Joann said she had felt upset by it as well and that she had talked with Sutherlands leader Paul Mero about changing the approach. With Pauls encouragement, she and her husband took the book home and divided it into equal chapters and invited their children and extended family members to study it with the intent of re-writing it to express a softer and more loving tone. Their version also includes research from Canada about the effect of same-sex marriages in the lives of children.

They listened to me talk about my experiences with Elaine coming out and then my becoming involved with the pride center, attending some of the classes on sexuality, and participating in the parent focus group research, and going to PFLAG meetings. Their comment was of appreciation in hearing a side of the issue that they had not considered before. They felt it was a blessing that we met. They wanted to hear my input on what they have written. I expressed interest in reading it. They expressed a heartfelt need and desire to create a safe place for people of any opinion to gather and be able to ask questions without creating so much tension that communication would be impossible. i agree very much with that. We talked about how questions on both sides can come across as bigoted, insensitive, hurtful, and demeaning all the while that not being the intention of the person asking the question. They had a couple of questions for me. One was how do you make sense of your eternal perspective of your family in light of your daughters lifestyle choice. (choice to have a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex). The other question was why can't gay people be satisfied just to live together. Why do they want or need a piece of paper that says they are married. They also expressed their opinion about the anti-discrimination laws. They are Landlords. They were upset that if they don't want to rent to a person who might come across or might act irresponsible and it just so happens that the person is gay then the argument would focus on their being gay rather than their irresponsibility.

I had a few comments to make, but I mostly felt that listening and showing interest in hearing their ideas was more important to convey. In reading these questions again i realize just how far I have come in a year and 1/2. I am quietly impressed that listening and creating relationships with others no matter what opinions we hold is the best way to create acceptance and understanding that reflects integrity and peace.

I love hearing about non traditional families and champion thinking beyond tradition to maximize the potential of love.......

Don't really wanna write another post. but gonna anyway. i am attempting a change in my eating habits. trying to look at food for fuel. mildly vegetarian diet. we will see. Prolly a little meat here and there. my clothes definitely fit better already. i feel better. i have eaten a couple of sweet things (licorice taffy and a cupcake) and can tell immediately that they aren't happy choices. i can feel the immediate energy suck. being aware of this is a good thing. i feel more in touch with what is going on for me on the physical level. How about emotions and food? Well that is big for me. I feel its possible that i am now going through withdrawls emotionally because i used to eat to avoid dealing head on with emotional opportunities. So feeling a little overwhelmed there. got a little time alone though while Greg and others are out swimming. i probably would do better swimming, but feeling like i am needing a little space to understand these changes in how I have processed emotions.

I did enjoy the PTA luncheon. I loved the opportunity to talk with the other board members. Only one of which is Male and he is the principal of the school. I would like to see an equal division of members according to gender.I did read a write up in the Trib about someone address given to students at BYU, about men being more involved in PTA. I found the conclusive remarks clearly on the sexist side, but the topic is very timely. I will be on next years PTA board and hope to do my part in creating a gender equal PTA.

Another thing on my mind is a gender equal religious/spiritual leadership. Some days I feel sad that I have a greater awareness of gender inequality. Some days I feel angry that I have a greater awareness of gender inequality. Some days I feel the sun shining through and I am thankful for this awareness. Some days I want to move on and realize that moving on usually only means willingness to be aware and accept the gifts and opportunities of another moment. For either I spend my moments hating what happened, what might happen, or what is happening or I give my will to the moment and receive it for what it is. Presence is my gift to this moment. Further, the realization that my presence can define any given moment (for myself or for others) scares me. I'm not eager stepping up to that part of awareness. Avoidance and fear seem to give me temporary release from accepting my part in defining the moment, but, sigh, there is no sustainable way to hide the fact that I am just as much a part of any given moment as anyone or anything. So life asks of me my presence and my willingness to share the defining moments with others. Taking turns at defining. Taking turns at sharing space. Bowing and bending, harmonizing with fellow moment artisans. Like some big street jam. And the guys who are stuck in the fighting and confusion, you just keep harmonizing with the fearful cries until it is realized that we are all one melody.

I know this may sound weird, but if I was not taught gender equality by those who taught me of Heavenly Parents, and I know what it would mean to me to have both a father and mothers nightly interview, then perhaps the message is that gender inequality is a social construct. It is not a principle of love. If the only connection I have to a Heavenly mother is that I am also female then I am as much a part of her as she is of me. Maybe I could develop the leadership and loving abilities of a Mother in Heaven in a way that could bring an awareness of her back into our social and religious context. I feel like a little girl who is crying for her mother's comfort and the only comfort she gets is her fathers hands repeatedly reaching out, being placed on her head, blessing her, baptizing her, sealing her to her husband, counseling with her, interviewing her, a girl who is repeatedly asking for her mother and repeatedly being denied. This blows my mind to consider. darnit. I really love the LDS faith. I want this families together thing to work out. I just don't understand the helpfulness of focusing on Fathers as visible leaders and mothers as invisible leaders. Why are we singing praises weekly, offering daily and moment by moment prayers to our father and not our heavenly mother? But in our earthly families, we would never exclude our mother in that way. I'm just thinking. Hopefully I'm not bothering anyone by that.

reprieve
sometimes it feels like life gives reprieve from that which weighs heavy. perhaps in the form of strengthened muscles rather than less to bear. Nonetheless it can offer rest. in chatting with some friends at the library downtown, i tasted the fruits of having faith in love and life. nothing is perfect, and yet it really is. For all the gifts my life has given me, honest friends who are willing to shape and form their experiences into words for sharing. Imperfect words, incomplete sentences, unfinished paragraphs, perfectly shared. The sharing, perfects the words. Resulting in meaning deeply felt and heard. Honor, love, respect are the fruitful results of such social intercourse. Desire to share again, is ever present for who would not want to return to the bountiful garden once its live-giving gifts are discovered and enjoyed. Perhaps our meeting was a bit like experiencing the potential of Mary's garden in 'The Secret Garden'. Or as Ansel Adams conveyance of the stunning beauty and natural art of the wilderness. Who would not want the hope of having a bit of earth to tend. Or knowing that through ones deliberate act to respect and protect, one would then be given a lifetime to explore the pristine wilderness of the soul that dwells in each and every heart. I want to thank my family and friends for gathering in a way that these gifts of the soul could be shared.........and I can't wait to hear more. Love you guys.

3 immortal presents
by Sri Chinmoy

I have received three immortal presents
On life's Christmas tree:
Detachment-bud
Concern-flower
Love-fruit.

With the bud I shall begin
My self-inquiry.
With the flower I shall achieve
My self-discovery.
With the fruit I shall enjoy
My self-mastery.