Lets Faith It

i was able to attend the day long seminar with Arbinger institute and listen to James Ferrell explain how to apply the principles in his book 'Anatomy of peace' to creating civil discourse in politics. Now the twist is that he was presenting this seminar for the Sutherland Institute. A political lobbying think tank that espouses marriage between opposite sex partners and considers same sex-marriage a threat to the well-being of children.

I have read 'the Anatomy of Peace'. It's approach to human relationships seems in direct opposition to the approach I have witnessed taken by leaders of the Sutherland Institute. The main reason I wanted to attend was to observe the effect of the teaching on this particular group of people. I have read the book "Preserving Sacred Ground' written by the sutherland group. I felt their opinions about homosexuality were uninsightful, and it upset me to think of the effect any of their reasoning might have if it were actually used in communications with their children or friends who are same-sex attracted.

I was curious, so I attended. I received a copy of 'the anatomy of peace' and a small workbook. I sat down on a fairly empty row and had no plans to talk with anyone. i just wanted to observe mostly and take notes. Soon after the seminar began a couple came in and sat next to me. i noticed that the lady had on the same color shirt i had. Green shirt over a white shirt underneath. That became a conversation starter later, when they talked with me and invited me to eat lunch with them. Their names were JoAnn and Greg.

They became involved with the Sutherland Insitute at the same meeting I had. One and 1/2 years ago. At Thanksgiving Point when Sutherland presented their Sacred Ground speeches. I was attending with Elaine and a group of political opponents. Greg and JoAnn were attending in support of the views held by the Sutherland Group. At that time I was just beginning to listen to same sex people and their allies. I had not formed a political opinion and mostly went to observe the emotional and political climate.

I told Joann and Greg that i had felt upset by the opinions on homosexuality that were expressed in the Sacred Grounds book. Joann said she had felt upset by it as well and that she had talked with Sutherlands leader Paul Mero about changing the approach. With Pauls encouragement, she and her husband took the book home and divided it into equal chapters and invited their children and extended family members to study it with the intent of re-writing it to express a softer and more loving tone. Their version also includes research from Canada about the effect of same-sex marriages in the lives of children.

They listened to me talk about my experiences with Elaine coming out and then my becoming involved with the pride center, attending some of the classes on sexuality, and participating in the parent focus group research, and going to PFLAG meetings. Their comment was of appreciation in hearing a side of the issue that they had not considered before. They felt it was a blessing that we met. They wanted to hear my input on what they have written. I expressed interest in reading it. They expressed a heartfelt need and desire to create a safe place for people of any opinion to gather and be able to ask questions without creating so much tension that communication would be impossible. i agree very much with that. We talked about how questions on both sides can come across as bigoted, insensitive, hurtful, and demeaning all the while that not being the intention of the person asking the question. They had a couple of questions for me. One was how do you make sense of your eternal perspective of your family in light of your daughters lifestyle choice. (choice to have a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex). The other question was why can't gay people be satisfied just to live together. Why do they want or need a piece of paper that says they are married. They also expressed their opinion about the anti-discrimination laws. They are Landlords. They were upset that if they don't want to rent to a person who might come across or might act irresponsible and it just so happens that the person is gay then the argument would focus on their being gay rather than their irresponsibility.

I had a few comments to make, but I mostly felt that listening and showing interest in hearing their ideas was more important to convey. In reading these questions again i realize just how far I have come in a year and 1/2. I am quietly impressed that listening and creating relationships with others no matter what opinions we hold is the best way to create acceptance and understanding that reflects integrity and peace.