Music

http://www.cmt.com/videos/unplugged/kieran-kane-kevin-welch-fats-kaplin/99751/i-cant-wait.jhtml

Soul Train

Soul Train

Here I come. Union specific of body. Desire of thought. Don't know about soul. But that's the grate train I came on. Destination earth. Googled-to Richfield Utah. At least-that's what others-named the place. Intelligence-outside of creation. I was. Taking on a challenge I hadn't known...but which others-had named. So, there I was, like shredded carrots in a bowl of green jello-

Placed immediately-in the fridge-to set. Thinking I might be a delight to some, I tried to arrange my several pieces-into a kaleidescopic pattern. Orange bits struggling to bring aesthetic design to a quick thickening substance. This wasn't working.

When we came to the table, I shivered. What had been confining and cold, was now ever so slightly releasing its hold, and restoring a sense of watery warmth. In hope, I tried to resume the intentioned design, only to be distracted-by appreciation, in varying degree. At the end of the day I lay exposed and confused in a puddle of green, watery sugar.

Just having a little poetry fun. whatdo ya think?

Relationships

I'm thinking about a sweet daughter and son-in-law. And something I may have passed on to her. Which I regret. I want to speak up now, for still we are here. Perhaps. Today, I read on a blog out there.....parenting is too important to leave to chance and too important to be approached defensively or by reaction.

But that is what I taught you. Our love relationships with ourselves, our parents, our friends, our children, nature, creative forces, they are the same. Didn't I instill this in your heart and mind? Warning: Relationships ahead. Approach defensively, reactively.

On a human level, that is what was given to me and I obediently followed that advice and have passed it on to you fully expecting that you will obey it too. But thankfully, humans are not the only ones who have access to our hearts, that is if we consider the transcendant. I respect the turning away from the God of imperfect men. It is one step towards knowing. Then I must consider how I would influence. Stay with imperfection? Stay with men? Stay with God? Stay with Respect. Stay with turning. Stay.

I was 24 when this poem reached my heart. Not completely, but in part. At a time of choice, a time to turn, a time to listen, not to spurn. Words that gently soothed my soul, it whispered where I longed to go. And even though the way is long the winding road and soulful song kept me secured like gravity in leaden feet. Through depression no retreat. Reminder that would urge me on assigned delay with trauma bond.

For this daughter. I too walked the way of confusion in relationships. Would that you did not have to.


Dressed In White

Life is filled with distractions.
Pivot points.
Paradoxes.
Periodic impasses.

I try to leave my troubled thoughts by walking.
But even the twilight air,
Cold and crisp,
Cannot resolve the war of words
Within my mind.

There is a padded softness
In the crunching snow.

Muffled sounds.
Mingled thoughts.
Muted tones.
Massive tree trunks—I follow them upward
Trying to express a wordless prayer,

And through a network of numberless branches
I see a puzzled sky.

I wonder.

I wait.

Silently I turn
And follow the meandering trail of solitary footsteps
Across the deepening snow.

The earth seems simple
Dressed in white.
Serene and grandly dignified—reminding me
Of sacred ties.
And templed thoughts trickle through my mind
Thawing for a moment
My icy indifference.

The world is simple dressed in white.

The snow becomes a blanket of warmth.
And wrapped in it
I head for home.

Roger Bushman

children

From all the jails the boys and girls
Ecstatically leap-
Beloved only afternoon
That prison doesn't keep

They storm the earth and stun the air,
A mob of solid bliss-
Alas-That frowns should lie in wait
For such a foe as this-

Emily Dickinson

Possibility

I dwell in possibility-
A fairer house than prose-
More numerous of windows-
Superior for doors-

Of chambers as the cedars-
Impregnable of eye-
And for the everlasting roof
The gambrels of the sky-

Of visitors-the fairest-
For occupation-this-
The spreading wide my narrow hands
To gather paradise-

Emily Dickinson

Faith

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see-
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency

Emily Dickinson

Truth

Tell the truth but tell it slant-
Success in circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm delight
The truth's superb surprise
As lightening to the children eased
With explanation kind
The truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind-

Patience

To learn the transport by the pain-
As blind men learn the sun!
To die of thirst-suspecting
That brooks in meadows run!

To stay the homesick-homesick feet
Upon a foreign shore-
Haunted by the native lands, the while-
And blue-beloved air!

This is the sovereign anguish!
This-the signal woe!
These are the patient "Laureates"
Whose voices-trained-below-

Ascend in ceaseless Carol-
Inaudible, indeed,
To us-The duller scholars
Of the mysterious bard!

Emily Dickinson

Two Adorable First Graders

Saydi and her friend Bell are singing in the school talent show this year. They will be singing 'You are my sunshine'. Originally Bell was going to tryout by herself, but she was too scared, so Saydi volunteered to sing with her. They made it through two auditions and into the final program. Saydi has taken charge in how she expects everything to be handled, from wearing a dress, to having the dress at school for rehearsals and deciding to wear her crocs without socks!! Haha. The dress is pink, cute and the crocs are blue with multicolored swirls. We compromised on how many ribbon ponytail holders would go in her hair. We settled on pink and yellow. She wanted to add blue and orange too. Maybe I'll run more interference and take some pink socks to school. Do you think she will wear them?

Embrace This Day

"In the time of my membership in the Church, I have grown to understand that this is the most important priority in our lives. When we are filled with the Holy Spirit we will not sin. We will be filled with wisdom, and we will be able to have the fruits to heal the wounds of the afflicted and to build a community of Saints. It is also obvious that without constant efforts, it will be very difficult to always be focused on our most righteous desires. Therefore, I want to share with you a vehicle, an instrument, that I developed some time ago for myself and for my family. It can assist us to reach our focus as we read the suggested vision of true discipleship as a Latter-day Saint. It helps when, from time to time, we ponder and seek identification with the following thoughts:

• Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks. The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you.

• When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself and direct them, in gratitude and love, toward God.

• In your life there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.

• First and foremost, you are a spirit child of God. If you neglect to feed your spirit, you will reap unhappiness. Don't permit anything to detract you from this awareness.

• You cannot communicate with God unless you have first sacrificed your self-oriented natural man and have brought yourself into the lower levels of meekness, to become acceptable for the Light of Christ.

• Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the perspective of your eternal hope. Light will flow into your soul.

• Pause to ponder the suffering Christ felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the awareness of the depth of gratitude for him, you appreciate every opportunity to show your love for him by diligently serving in his Church.

• God knows that you are not perfect. As you suffer about your imperfections, he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to improve.

• God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you. Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us--everything will fall into its place.

• Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear about the consequences of sin.

• When you cannot love someone, look into that person's eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him.

• Never judge anyone. When you accept this, you will be freed. In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge, help them to become their own judges.

• If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again.

• Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm. On the road toward salvation, let questions arise but never doubts. If something is wrong, God will give you clarity but never doubts.

• Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words. Divine light develops in places of peace and quiet. Be aware of that as you enter places of worship.

• Be not so much concerned about what you do, but do what you do with all your heart, might, and strength. In thoroughness is satisfaction.

• You want to be good and to do good. That is commendable. But the greatest achievement that can be reached in our lives is to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost. Then he will teach us what is really good and necessary to do.

• The pain of sacrifice lasts only one moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it.

• Be grateful for every opportunity to serve. It helps you more than those you serve.

• And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better.

Surprise blessings

I decided to visit a friend who I only know from church. She just had heart surgery and the word was out that she was home and taking visitors. So, I hopped on my bike and ran over to the local Jolley's drugstore to buy a treat and a flower pot (on sale). Then bike over to the local Twigs flower shop to have the owner arrange a double pink lily in the flowerpot. Then up to my friend to visit. The weather is perfect just after spring rain. Greg is working from home and the kids were left with instructions to finish doing the dishes while I was gone. I was totally caught off guard with her reply when I inquired of my friend who were her neighbors. She said that her neighbors were two gay guys. The guys have been together for a little over 20 years. They have always called them 'the girls'. I asked if she had told them about that and she and her daughter laughed and said 'oh no'. Both guys lived there until two weeks ago when one of them died from heart failure when he was on a trip to Egypt with his father. After expressing their sadness for their neighbors loss, they went on to say that the corner house next to them just sold to another gay couple. I was pleased to talk of such wonderful things, and my friend asked, 'Are there alot of gays in Sugarhouse?' That made me smile. She also said that her hairdresser is gay. I feel so happy to be part of open discussions of gays. This is the subject history has presented to us (as Carol Lynn Pearson puts it) and I have to say I am always pleasantly surprised to find the opportunities are abundant. I so want to be part of these changes for love and inclusion. I went away from our visit blessed to hear the thoughts of acceptance, love and compassion that this family expressed for their neighbors.

It just surprises me to hear the feelings and stories embedded in the hearts of people. I really feel something truly special is happening.

How Soap Operas came to be

So, I've been dealing with some trauma bonds. It's this awesome thing you can do when you want to figure out why you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over. What you do is think about how the current stress mirrors a past stress. Then you identify the under 'lying' problem of the original stress. Then you reparent yourself by saying 'gee, that's a nasty boo boo, do you want a bandaid and a hug?' Then you grieve long enough to feel better and then you are free from that trauma bond. Warning: Side effects include strong reactions from key family members when you vacillate in your resolve. This can cause a repeat of the trauma bond at which point you may have enough material to submit to a TV station for a soap opera.

Home Improvement

Greg was putting in a new wood door for our bedroom. He chiseled out places for the hinges. Mckay came in to look over Greg's work and commented how he almost thought that Greg ruined the door by chiseling those spots. Greg quickly offered the insight that you have to do that for the hinges to have a place, but Mckay was right on it and said "yeah, I realized that" hahaha

Gardening

So I was weeding the strawberry patch and heard this little voice calling "A little help here, a little help here" I looked around and saw Mckay in the middle of a nose dive on his bike. His leg was caught and he was struggling to keep himself from falling completely over. I ran down from the terrace to help and got there just as he fell over. In falling he was able to free his leg. So I scooped him up and held him while he cried and caught his breath.

Mckay's funnies
Greg and I have been attending a class that explores human sexuality. I was completing an assignment to make a clay sculpture representation of my sexuality. As I was working on it Mckay asked what I was doing. I told him I was making a sculpture to share with the class. He said, how can you share it? If you share it you have to rip it up into pieces. Haha. In some ways that description matches exactly how I have felt sometimes.