But that is what I taught you. Our love relationships with ourselves, our parents, our friends, our children, nature, creative forces, they are the same. Didn't I instill this in your heart and mind? Warning: Relationships ahead. Approach defensively, reactively.
On a human level, that is what was given to me and I obediently followed that advice and have passed it on to you fully expecting that you will obey it too. But thankfully, humans are not the only ones who have access to our hearts, that is if we consider the transcendant. I respect the turning away from the God of imperfect men. It is one step towards knowing. Then I must consider how I would influence. Stay with imperfection? Stay with men? Stay with God? Stay with Respect. Stay with turning. Stay.
I was 24 when this poem reached my heart. Not completely, but in part. At a time of choice, a time to turn, a time to listen, not to spurn. Words that gently soothed my soul, it whispered where I longed to go. And even though the way is long the winding road and soulful song kept me secured like gravity in leaden feet. Through depression no retreat. Reminder that would urge me on assigned delay with trauma bond.
For this daughter. I too walked the way of confusion in relationships. Would that you did not have to.
Dressed In White
Life is filled with distractions.
Pivot points.
Paradoxes.
Periodic impasses.
I try to leave my troubled thoughts by walking.
But even the twilight air,
Cold and crisp,
Cannot resolve the war of words
Within my mind.
There is a padded softness
In the crunching snow.
Muffled sounds.
Mingled thoughts.
Muted tones.
Massive tree trunks—I follow them upward
Trying to express a wordless prayer,
And through a network of numberless branches
I see a puzzled sky.
I wonder.
I wait.
Silently I turn
And follow the meandering trail of solitary footsteps
Across the deepening snow.
The earth seems simple
Dressed in white.
Serene and grandly dignified—reminding me
Of sacred ties.
And templed thoughts trickle through my mind
Thawing for a moment
My icy indifference.
The world is simple dressed in white.
The snow becomes a blanket of warmth.
And wrapped in it
I head for home.
Roger Bushman
3 comments:
Emily...this are such beautiful sentiments. So honest and heartfelt. I think we, as parents, do pass things on to our children that we do not intend or wish we had not. Life is full of regrets at times. I think many of us approach relationships defensively...especially if we have been hurt in the past. Warning, warning! Danger ahead! But, alas...if we do not open our hearts to new loves, new relationships...how will we ever find what we seek?
That's how I felt when I met Lauren..scared, frightened that it was too good to be true.
Your sweet daughter loves you. So much. She is grateful for your insight and honesty. And as parents, what we say or offer in advice is not always what "the child" wants, and sometimes, needs to hear. But we do our best. None of us is perfect. We just do the best with what we have at the time.
And oh...how we mothers wish our children did not ever have to travel the paths of pain that we did. Every single day I hope that for my children. But I know some will and some won't. They each have to make their own choices, just as we did. And youth brings many lessons! Don't we know that??! I believe everything happens for a reason and that we are offered the opportunities to learn from the things that come to us in our lives. What we choose to do with them is totally up to us.
Seeing our children go through difficult times such as these is never easy. But they will learn so much from it...just as we did.
The earth does seem simple . . .
Don't know if you check your comments ... but I just wanted to thank you for this post. And to say, I would that anyone and everyone would not have to walk the way of confusion in relationships ... but we all do. Do you know a single soul who hasn't? I don't mind it so much after all ... the painful times hurt so much, but the good times ... oh I can just keep hoping the good times will always outweigh the painful times! Always learning, always growing out of confusion ... sometimes into different confusion, but always onward ... this is life! And it is beautiful.
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