flowers

yesterday Saydi Mckay and i spent some time down on temple square. first we walked down from elaines house to spend time at the Daughters of The Utah Pioneers Museum. then we walked down to temple square and spent some time sitting by fountains and enjoying the water and the beautiful flowers. Then we went to the Beehive house for a tour. Then we walked to the Church museum and spent a couple of hours in the childrens hands on section. the theme is I Am A Child of God. There were lots of things for the kids to do related to the theme. the one they seemed to like the most was tending life size models of newborn babies in the nursery. It was so cute to watch them. Mckays baby was usually on the floor whenever he was getting different clothes, or filling out paperwork.(birth certificate) That was pretty funny. Then we ate a snack outside and then met Greg at the Lion House Pantry for lunch. He was downtown at the library working so it was easy for us to meet up with him.

While we sat under the shadow of the temple I talked with the kids about what people do in the temple. We noticed a couple dressed in wedding clothes with their photographer getting pictures taken. They kissed a nice modest kiss for one picture. I found myself wondering if they had been so nicely dressed and same sex would they have been as welcome on this private property. I wasn't feeling resentful in any sort of way, just wondering. just pondering. I mentioned to the kids that the temple is where people get married and sealed and that if you are a same sex couple you are not allowed to be married in the temple. When I told Saydi that the only reason that is like that is because Heavenly Father hasn't revealed to the prophet that same sex couples can marry in the temple, she said well, I think someday he would do that. Saydi's big heart is inspiring to me. Whether or not the church leadership receives a revelation on this in our lifetime, at least I know that within the heart of the family there is a wish that any desire will be realized. For now I am willing to stumble along and bear pockets of harsh conditions that exist here and there. Knowing that I can do a little good each day and that is all I can do.

I am thankful for my LDS upbringing. As difficult as it has been, I feel it has laid the groundwork for questioning in an anchored sort of way. I know I have felt the presence of the divine in my life. I have been going through a time of huge struggle and ultimately felt a desire to return to modest prayer. In recent days I have pointedly felt a divine interest in my life, my questions, my desires. I am learning more about that. I was touched to hear Elaine express her appreciation for her LDS upbringing as well and even more inspired when she said she had no bitter feelings about that. I want to say that I love her friend Kristen. She is a blessing in our life. I am so touched by her interest and work with children. I can't imagine not wanting both she and Elaine to be able to realize their lifes desires. Yes, I would like for those desires to be right and good. I am more hesitant to guess what that might be for them. I just know I am intrigued with the figuring out process. And I trust very much that they will realize their greatest dreams. I have these same feelings for all of our children. Our children are amazing, unique, and original. The process is enjoyable. Maybe I never thought I would be saying that, but I have changed alot. I am really good with watching the transformation process and enjoying every conscious moment.